what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
