and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Randomize
