How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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