You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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