Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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