She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
