I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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