She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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