i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Green mimosas i think yes
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
