A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
