So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
