Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
