Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
