So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
