I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
