I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Shame - the story of my life.
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