if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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