Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
