is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
