alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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