i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
