kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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