i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
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Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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