He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
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ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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