Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
