i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
