Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
