My liver just broke up with me...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
