my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Quick, to the slutcave!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
