....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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