You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
