I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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