There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
