mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
