all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize