her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
