I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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