cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
