i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
