shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
