My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
