Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Everclear isn't food dammit
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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