He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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