last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
