Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Randomize
