Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Randomize
