never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize