theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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