No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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