Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
