I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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