Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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