So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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