this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
