i can't believe i had my finger in that
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
