after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
