Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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