even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he shaved USA in his pubs
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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