she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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