OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Randomize
